Baby, Let Me Upgrade Ya

We’re talking about finally redecorating the house. Well, technically we’re just decorating it. I guess it would only be “RE-decorating” if we had decorated in the first place. I feel so inadequate as a woman. It supposed to be natural for women to frame and hang things and match the drapes to the bedspreads. Oh! And those women who change they’re home with the seasons. Who ARE those women?! …I’ve always secretly wanted to be those women (hanging head in shame). It comes so easy to them though. Well, I guess that its not that it doesn’t come easy to me, it’s more that I never really cared. I’m so far away from the Jones’ I really never cared what they were up to, to keep up with them. I guess now I’m a little bored with how the place looks. It was so nice for Christmas and taking the tree down made for a very bare, very white wall.

I think I want an overcast-type gray color for the walls; something on the lines of a cool blue-ish gray, but on the other hand I love the idea of a soft beige color with a Santa Fe sunset-type color accent wall. I really like the idea of track lighting, but people say that’s gay and Mike is already metro- I don’t want people thinking he’s Down-Low. I’m not one for thousands of pictures of loved ones on the walls either. A few strategically placed pictures on a shelf or the mantle is sweet and of course the fridge is full of baby pictures from people I haven’t seen in years! I’m not funky enough to be eclectic, and I’m not refined enough to be traditional. I’m stuck being indecisive.

I admit I have no sense of color. My friend “the artist” says he’s the same way, but I find that hard to believe and either way, he’s a dude. I give them credit when they scratch but refrain from sniffing their fingers. The best suggestion so far has been to ask myself how I want my house to feel. I guess I want it to be open and airy; something beachy would be nice except without all the sand in my crotch. The beach is so therapeutic for me, especially since I’m a Pisces. The cool sand between my toes, the warm water makes me feel like I’m floating in space, the crashing of the waves remind me that there is a vastness so great that it could only have been made by the hand of God itself…but mostly it’s the only place you can be totally drunk and more or less naked without being looked at twice. Since being half-naked and half-drunk at home is a regular occurrence it might just feel like I’m on vacation. Maybe if I paint the walls nude with polka-dots the color of my nips I won’t even have to close the shades-I can use the work on my tan! Watch out Extreme Home Makeover. These ideas are patented!