Please be my friend...

I like you! I don't like very many people but I like you! Actually, it's not that I don't like very many people; it's more like not very many people like me. I'm not sure why. I think I'm pretty nice. Actually, I think I'm incredibly nice. When I'm at the park and the squirrels come around to steal my food or throw acorns at me I say firmly but nicely, "Hey squirrel, get out of here." I don't yell or throw things at them like other people do. If I see a homeless person and I have food, I always give it to them. Even if it means I have to turn right back around and go back for myself. I always keep at least $1 cash on me in case I have no food but most of the time I hand out $5 like its candy. I've even given away cake! Do you know how hard it is for a fat girl to give away cake?! I digress...

I'm not sure why I don't have many friends. I mean, I have a large group of people that I hang out with and I have a large family, and it seems like everywhere I go people who I supposedly hung out with or went to school with or did (insert “other things with”) come up to me. I have no clue who they are, but I never let them know that. That's how nice I am! I'm awfully personable-I have talked a bouncer into getting a group of 15 people into a hot nightclub for $20 when it was a $20 cover per person! Plus, I got free drinks the entire night and didn't even have to show my boobs! Well, I didn't have to show nipples-I always show boob. Again, I digress...

I think I'm a funny girl. I know I'm a sweet girl. I'm quite loyal and I'm never judgmental (Have you read this blog?! Who the heck am I to be judgmental?!) I truly feel your pain when you are sad and I'm genuinely happy when something good happens to you-even if my life is complete chaos (again-have you read this blog?)-I don't hate; I'm super excited for you! I just don't have friends.

Girls don't like me. I don't know why. They just don't. Girls are uncomfortable around me for some reason. I have guy friends in the masses though-and yes, they’re JUST my friends. I don't want your man. Believe me; I barely want the one I got! But I definitely don't want yours. I think a lot of women are insecure. I know I'm insecure but I don't think you would know it unless I told you. Besides its mostly about the things that come out of my mouth. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about some stupid thing I said! I have issues with communication. I'm not so goodly at it...but I'm NOT nor have I EVER been insecure about who I am. I kinda just live my life thinking "They're gonna LOVE you kid!" so it always surprises me when people don't.

Look, please just be my friend...

Maybe if I tell you a little about myself you’ll come around. I’m just me… I guess the older I get the more I see how lucky I am to have the loving, open-minded, caring, positive people I have in my life. My circle is particular and if your lucky enough to be in, you’re in it for life, unless you mess up-then it’s really your loss…I say just be true to yourself and to others. I love life! Idiots are my pet peeve so please don’t talk to me if you lack intelligence-I have no time for you. I am definitely NOT a morning person and I think the day shouldn't start till at least noon. I hate to be rushed- Especially when its YOU who made me late in the first place! I always have a plan-ALWAYS. Creativity inspires me. Injustice upsets me. I heard this joke once about a monkey, a hippo, and a polar bear that made me laugh so hard my abs hurt for 2 days! No one else found it funny, but it made me love monkeys, hippos, and polar bears now. I really get a kick out of people laughing at my jokes-I never think I’m funny when they laugh and when I think I'm hysterical all I hear are crickets… I love flirting! I flirt with EVERYONE! It's just my nature. It doesn’t mean I want to jump your bones or I got a crush on you so don't take it the wrong way-believe me, you’re not that special-and I know that sounds mean, but you read earlier how I believe we should be true to ourselves and others. I love sleeping-I can spend my whole life in a dream and sometimes I DO! I love my husband-he makes me happy to be a girl. I can admit that I'm a dork…at times, but knowing that just makes me the cool person I am-so there! I believe evolution and creationism can co-exist. I have a temper, and get emotional easily, but you won’t see until the dam breaks-then I’ll need your help. I do stupid things sometimes. It makes me happy when I find a seat at a crowded club or bar-like a special VIP just for me. I like when things go according to plan and I like change, but only if it’s part of the plan… I loathe fake people just as much as I detest the stupid ones. I like to laugh, A LOT! I love anything glamorous. I'm glamorous - I think. I have an addiction to cheese, cupcakes, and bubble gum. I think anytime is a good time to do the robot and I do it in the shower EVERY morning. I like to get my way (but then again who doesn't?) I like to think that I'm perfect but I know that I'm not. I am stubborn. I have goals and aspirations and I’m doing something about it!! My motivation is high and so is my ambition-have you ever touched the sky? I will. I'm shy, but I never let it show. I'm secretive and I can keep secrets. I am the heart…and you can’t live without your heart. I love my family. I love God. I am me.

If I haven't scared you off and you want to be my friend then please let me know. Because I like you! and I need someone to like me too! LOVE!!