You know what? I’m not feeling it…

I’m not feelin’ it today. I hate being in this kind of mood. I’m so much better when I’m my sassy, silly, smiley self. More and more I’m feeling ornery and it makes me wonder where the “real” me went. I always pictured myself retiring to a beach of white sand and clear blue water as far as the eye can see. For some reason I only see my hand though- holding someone else’s hand and they happen to be white and skinny and very young-damn Sandals commercials…

The way I’ve been feeling lately, I think I’m gonna be that bitter old woman who looks like a witch with wiry gray hair and a black dress she’s worn since her late husband’s funeral 20yrs ago whom no doubt SHE killed with an ax that sits beside her, who sits in a rocking chair on her decrepit front porch cricking back and forth, chain-smoking and yelling at the neighbor kids to STAY OFF MY LAWN! I made a list of my “I’m not feeling it” items and I hope you join me in my fit of grouchiness:

1. People who have something to say about everything-I’m not feeling it…

2. Mike using the bathroom before me when we get home from work-I’m DEFINITELY not feeling it…

3. Bad ass bay-bays kids who happened to be named “Sage, Hunter, Jiffer, or last names ending in “the 3rd or 4th” (if you get my drift) AND their parents that insist on talking to them about their feelings instead of taking that sucker by the ear and dragging them to the bathroom like it went down when I was a kid and even THOUGHT about acting up-uh, uh, I’m NOT feeling it….

4. Butterface-I’m not feeling it…

5. People who still live with their parents and don’t have to pay bills but can afford to pay bills and their parents are so well off that they refuse the money so these cats are just sitting on stacks of paper and can take advantage of so many opportunities and DO!...boo-don’t tell me that-I’m not feeling it.

6. Perfect life, perfect wife, 2.5 kids and an SUV in the driveway and the bia don’t have to work-well, I’m just gonna have to hate on you today because I am not feeling it…

7. Maniacs with “Little Man Syndrome” that think they can run me off the road with their big ass trucks-Baby, if you only knew I wanted to be a race car driver when I was little and I am as stubborn as my last name provides and I will not be intimidated or moved. YOU, can go around…I am not feeling you Haas…

8. Work-nuff said.

So now that I’m done with my vent let me tell you what I am feeling:

1. I’m feeling the random action of a hand on my lower back ushering me through a door-no flirting, no sexual feeling from it, just plain good ol’ fashion gentlemenness.

2. The lady walking out of the CVS who motioned me to stop reversing because there was a soccer mom on a cell phone in my blind spot racing through the parking lot.

3. Genuine smiles and happiness when I enter a room and people actually like to see me (not being conceded-I’m actually always surprised and think they’re about to tell me something terrible but they always wind up just being nice. Why am I so self-conscious?)

4. My group of family and friends that are on the constant look out for fun and make my abs ache for 2 days straight from laughter.

5. My ride or die mentality. I got your back…you got mine? I’m feeling it…

6. People I can tell anything too without judgment-and the stuff I say could warrant serious confinement! My sisters and mentor-I will always be feeling it.

7. Crushes

8. Vodka and lemonade, vodka and pineapple juice, vodka and cranberry or orange or white grape or passion fruit juice, vodka tonic, vodka martini with 2 cherries, vodka on the rocks...do you get where I’m going with this???

I actually feel a lot better now. I think I’m gonna take a swig of this “apple juice” and suck it up because I gotta do what I gotta do. One day I’ll be that skinny white woman walking down the white beach looking out at the great blue ocean holding the hand of my white husband…I just know it will happen one day, I know it!