My 3rd year anniversary is coming up in a few days. It’s been 11yrs but it’s only my 3rd year being “married.” Now, I could go into the reasons I put the word married in quotes but let me just make a long story short by saying we had the wedding but I never turned in the papers…don’t judge me.
I bring this up only to say that I’ve been doing some thinking about gifts. I’m not the type of girl who wants or asks for a lot. In fact, I’m pretty easy-no pun intended…well, maybe a little. I’m the girl who asks for knee-socks and lip gloss for my birthday and for Christmas all I want is new jammies and a naughty kiss under the cameltoe, er, I mean mistletoe. Now, this is not to say that those who ask for candlelit dinners and jewelry are high maintenance. Its nice to have the thought and effort put into a special night commemorating a special occasion, but honestly all I want to give AND receive on my anniversary is a beer, a blow, and some steak. Since I’m a giver, I wouldn’t have an issue with going first or like Chris Tucker once said “Same Time Man!! Same Time!”
I guess somewhere between “I Do” and “joint bank-account” I thought, if I’m getting $100+ flowers that will wilt, die, and become infested with small flying insects that I’ll later wonder if one flew up my nose while I was sleeping and decided to lay eggs, then 6 weeks later I’ll be in some important meeting and just when I’m making my point a bunch of little baby insects will come flying out of my nose and God forbid its while I’m flirting…that’ll show me… I’d rather my dear husband just ditch the flowers and instead not bitch about why every light in the house is on and how much the electric bill is this month. I’m sorry. I had the light on in the hallway because I was coming down the stairs and I’m afraid of the dark and the creaky stairs I’ve been telling you to fix for 3yrs, then when I got to the closet in the living room I remembered that’s where I left my cute purse with the big red bow on the front that matches that cute dress that I wore that night we went to the Spindle Top, and while looking for it I get the urge to pee so I have to turn on that light since you insist on leaving the frikken seat up and midstream the phone rings so I have to run into the kitchen before the answering machine picks up because your mom NEVER leaves a message and you swear up and down that I’m avoiding her! I’m sorry okay! I have successfully turned on all the lights, but I’ve noticed so as I’m about to retrace my steps to turn off all the lights you walk in and begin…So ask me if I want $100 flowers again.
Sure jewelry is always accepted; afterall, diamonds are a girl’s best friend but baby, if we can escape the country on what you spent on my ring then I’d have to say, please take me away! Let me stop. I always get something nice and he sure does try his hardest, but really- “married” for 3yrs, betrothed for 2 prior, dating for 5 before that and just plain old screwing around for a year or so before not including that one time at his sister’s (sorry Flee) and the other time in the mustang in the Astrodome parking lot that night GT had that release party. Look all I want is the beer, a blow, and some steak. Is that so wrong? I’ll even make you a deal, the beer can be domestic, the steak can be a Jack-in-the-Box taco, but the BJ MUST be like it was on our first date…er, I mean, oh hell, like it was on our first date and it must include that little swirly thing that you do that makes me giggle…
Love You Papi! Happy Anniversary Babe!
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