Man, this getting older stuff is frikken weird...

Is it me or has this year just been flying by? I had crazy dreams last night about everything from credit to Mario and Tina’s wedding. Its weird because I didn’t make it to their wedding because I was dog-sick. In my dream, I saw everyone I have been thinking about these past few weeks. I dreamt about Daniel driving the train in his bomber clothes with his necklace of aresol tips and his camo-pants 5x too big for his stature; I dreamt about Tara running after Mycaden and him doing this smart-alecky dance when she got stuck in this tree that looked like a giant fork; I dreamt about my aunt Myra with her red curly hair flying in the wind, laughing and waving to me as I ran with my cousins chasing the truck she was sitting on as it rode down the beach in Galveston; I dreamt about Ronda and me at this club, that turned into Mario and Tina’s wedding, dancing and laughing, carrying on and cracking jokes while Ying Yang Twins “To the Window To the Wall” played in the background. X was in my dream, really skinny, but kinda fine looking dressed like a vato-loco complete with the hair net covering his freshly pomade-greased hair. I even dreamt that I had this huge thick squiggly vain on my neck like those huge body builders that look like they’re wearing a body armor suit because their bodies are so huge but their heads are so small…

I know why I dreamt all of these things though. I had been thinking about the last time Daniel and I spoke and how he said he felt like a grown-up because he had a real job with benefits that he could see as a career. I reminded him of all the stupid things we used to do when we were kids-like sneak out at 4am to bomb a wall or jump a train to the other side of town. What the hell was I thinking?! I just saw Tara and Mycaden last night and he is a world full of sass. He is way to smart for his mouth! The fact that he was running his momma crazy and then mocking her in my dream was just reflective of real life. I’ve thinking of Tia Myra lately because I’ve been thinking of Gino, Little Myra, and Mario. It comes as a package. The anniversary of her death is soon and it’s still a little shocking and sad. Plus, Mike and I went to Galveston the night of my birthday (last week) and just seeing how different and damaged it is even 5 months after Hurricane Ike. I have so many memories growing up on that island in the summers of my childhood. I had thought about seeing Tina recently and how adorably pregnant she is and still growing even though it feels like just yesterday everyone was getting married. I’ve been thinking about Ronda a lot lately and about how happy she was the last time we saw each other. Tara said she had spoken with her recently so it only brought up more thoughts about her and how she’s doing. We had some fun times. I’m positive that’s the reason Ying Yang Twins was in the background-it was sort of our theme song. Finally, the professor himself, X will finally be in Houston soon. I feel so bad for not keeping in touch like I should have. We were steady communicating for a minute and then life popped up. I try to find the time, and sometimes I have sat and written 3 page letters that just never get sent. My guilt over being a bad friend and my will to be a better friend just collided in a really all-over-the-place dream. The vein issue has to do with my own vanity and the fact that I was reading one of Mike’s Muscle Man magazines with this goliath of a man who won like 8 or 12 Mr. Olympias. He’s disgusting…

All of this got me thinking about how life is just on the move. I feel in transition, from a “forever 21” mindset to an “OH SHIT! I’M ALMOST 30!!” mentality. I wish I had more time. People look back sometimes and when they’re posed the question if they have regrets most say no. That’s bullshit! I used to say that too! I regret plenty. I would change a whole mess of stuff. I would mostly change missing out on some important things like Mario and Tina’s wedding, the first year of Maddie’s life, not keeping in touch with X for the past 9 months, letting bullshit get me frustrated or get the best of me, staying close to my friends and not letting another minute pass by without letting them know how much they mean to me. I wouldn’t take for granted opportunities I had to spend time with people because you really never know when or if you’ll have that opportunity again.

It seems like life is so busy these days and even though I want to do all of this, its hard. They say give yourself a chance and don’t let life pass you by but the world around you is a rat race. Here we are entering March. We’re out of the first quarter of the year. December feels so far away, but its almost so close I can touch it. My hope for the rest of the year is to reconnect with my people. I’m striving to be a better friend, a better cousin, a better sister, a better wife, a better person, but at the same time, it’s a two-way street. I hope my people have plans to do the same to not let life just pass them by, but to get fulfillment in every moment. Join me on cloud 9-in a world of love and harmony.